[00:02.720][Intro]
[00:03.051]Look, if you had, one shot
[00:09.301]To sit on your lazy butt, and watch all the TV you ever wanted
[00:14.569]Until your brain turned to mush, would you go for it
[00:18.995]Or just let it slip
[00:20.505]Yo
[00:21.034][Verse 1]
[00:21.230]Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty
[00:24.246]There's Flintstones on the TV already, Wilma and Betty
[00:27.171]No virgin to channel surfin', and I'm HD ready
[00:29.660]So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
[00:32.596]There's Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel
[00:35.273]He opens his mouth, always says something foul
[00:38.212]They're dying wow, wannabes are crying now
[00:40.653]He votes 'em out, time to throw in the towel
[00:43.710]Shows based on reality, oh the humanity
[00:46.413]Oh, Ozzy's family sho' loves profanity
[00:49.287]Woah the insanity, oh dogs that crap and pee
[00:51.967]Home of depravity, no they live happily
[00:54.770]Yo, plus Da Ali G Show, and Celebrity Mole
[00:57.925]Oh there's Anna Nicole, she's scarin' me
[01:00.780]Look, Ma — No cavities! Oh, it's a station break
[01:03.461]Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
[01:05.410][Hook]
[01:05.646]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[01:07.752]They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show
[01:10.817]My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[01:13.910]The Travel Channel, Discovery and Lifetime
[01:16.303]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[01:18.719]They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos!"
[01:21.567]I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[01:24.604]The History Channel, and QVC, and Lifetime
[01:27.126]You're gonna...
[01:27.538][Verse 2]
[01:28.006]My butt is aching, as I watch NASCAR racing
[01:30.595]That show about undertaking, Larry King
[01:33.807]To 24, to Law & Order
[01:36.095]The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
[01:38.859]Ancient reporters, next up on E! True Hollywood Story
[01:42.944]The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
[01:45.689]Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
[01:48.533]CSI: Boise, and Touched by an Uncle
[01:51.206]Both sound pretty lame, and
[01:52.751]So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
[01:55.412]And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
[01:58.079]I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
[02:01.167]I move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter
[02:04.991]Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette
[02:07.456]Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
[02:09.308]And The Muppet Show where they go "Mahna Mahna"
[02:11.342][Hook]
[02:11.653]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[02:13.747]They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show (oh)
[02:16.730]My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[02:20.029]The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime
[02:22.456]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[02:25.139]They told me, cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow (oh)
[02:27.987]I'm lookin at C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[02:31.031]The Playboy Channel, and Court TV, and Lifetime
[02:33.246]You're gonna...
[02:33.714][Verse 3]
[02:33.945]Never miss Melrose Place or Lost in Space
[02:36.486]I've seen each Amazing Race and Without a Trace
[02:39.511]But I only watched Will & Grace, one time, one day
[02:41.980]Wish I hadn't, 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
[02:44.887]Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour
[02:47.574]After that, felt like I needed a long shower
[02:50.625]Network execs with naked ambition
[02:53.326]Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians
[02:56.107]Like to tie up those programming planners
[02:58.747]Make them watch all that junk until their heads explode just like Scanners
[03:02.674]Leech-covered, grub-eating fools on Survivor
[03:05.824]Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre
[03:08.403]Of Mr. Rob Schneider
[03:09.924]And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob
[03:11.151]Plus there's MacGyver
[03:12.746]And Jay Leno has got Madonna
[03:14.277]Hey, there's Luke Perry
[03:15.309]And a special all Pig Latin episode of Drew Carey
[03:17.949]Wanna turn on ET
[03:19.312]'Cause I'm a gossip freak
[03:20.594]And I gotta know who J-Lo is marrying this week
[03:23.447]A 30-second spot
[03:24.526]Welcome back to Are You Hot?
[03:26.152]I was planning on recording The Sopranos — I forgot
[03:29.626]I love shows with or without a plot
[03:31.503]I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
[03:34.067]Because I only have got one brain to rot
[03:37.235]I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
[03:39.326][Hook]
[03:39.562]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[03:41.874]They told me, they'd scold me, but I still tune into every show (oh)
[03:45.122]My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[03:48.276]The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime
[03:50.550]You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
[03:52.902]They told me, cajoled me, turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (oh)
[03:55.948]I got it on C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
[03:59.151]The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime
[04:01.466]You're gonna...
[04:02.152][Outro]
[04:04.315]You can watch anything you want to, man