[00:04.64]I didn't have the energy
[00:08.71]I didn't have the words to check myself on any further
[00:16.86]every time I try to pick up my body
[00:19.45]I feel like I was picking up a corpse
[00:22.58]I laid in my bed and content
[00:23.70]letting myself to carry away
[00:29.10]I wasn't afraid anymore
[00:31.50]not of death because that's never being something that ever bother me or cause me discomfort
[00:37.80]I was no longer afraid to look at my parents' eyes
[00:41.27]and without them saying a word knowing they were disappointed at me
[00:46.75]I was no longer afraid of letting myself down
[00:53.70]everything lacked luster everything lacked colour
[00:57.10]everything around me just start fading out
[00:59.76]like I was me drowned
[01:01.77]and it was me who was drowning myself
[01:06.34]what's the point
[01:08.44]I'd lay on the ground for hours and ask myself that what's the point of succeeding
[01:12.85]just die a few years later and all mean nothing
[01:18.31]what's the point to being happy about that if it doesn't last forever
[01:29.77]but then I thought
[01:32.16]why do you think need to last forever for them to be meaningful
[01:36.95]I was expecting too much
[01:42.63]I wanted to always be happy
[01:44.92]and have things alway going good
[01:46.70]but that's so unrealistic
[01:55.70]so instead of drowning on the fact of life that can't be changed
[02:00.22]why not...why not...
[02:07.18]why not enjoy that five minutes of happiness
[02:09.67]why not try to make my life out of something I am interested in
[02:13.32]and none of these things would last forever
[02:15.36]but I want them
[02:16.00]why is there need to be a deeper meaning than that
[02:19.62]why not doing things because you want to
[02:23.34]I still struggle sometimes there's days where I feel like my body could crumble at anytime
[02:28.42]but I made this choice to stop depriving myself
[02:31.58]I made the choice to live