I don't need no diamonds

No shiny new car

Not a trip to Paris

Or a fancy spa

There's just one thing

On my Christmas list

It's simple, my love

And hard to miss

It's not about the gifts under the tree

It's about some peace and harmony

So darling, listen close to my plea

This one's for you—and your physiology!

All I want for Christmas is for you

To tone the farts down

(Tone the farts down)

Not asking for a miracle

Just tone the farts down

The volume, the frequency

It's way too much

My love, let's fix this

It's time to adjust

I hear them in the morning

I hear them at night

I hear them in my dreams

And it gives me a fright

You say it's natural

I know it's true

But could you tone it down

Just a little, for me?

It's not about perfection

No one's a saint

But darling, this level

I simply can't. be true

Let's turn down the bass

Reduce the boom

And maybe, just maybe

Save the bedroom!

All I want for Christmas is for you

To tone the farts down

(Tone the farts down)

Not asking for a miracle

Just tone the farts down

The volume, the frequency

It's way too much

My love, let's fix this

It's time to adjust

So wrap it up nice

Put it under the tree

A silent night

That's the gift for me

No need for gadgets

Or expensive art

Just a quieter version

Of your gassy fart

All I want for Christmas

Is for you to tone the farts down

Just give me a break

From that rumbling sound

It's simple, my darling

My holiday plea

Tone the farts down

For you and for me!